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My way of flirting is looking at the person I’m attracted to and hoping they’re braver than I am.
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truth is…
I miss you. I miss us. I miss being with you. I miss talking to you. I miss you picking me up every evening. I miss listening to your day. I miss telling you everything. I miss going on errands with you. Do you remember “vigilant”? I miss laughing at other people with you. I miss going to the supermarket with you. I miss changing my cereal every month. I miss getting into trouble in Price Smart with you. I miss going to the barber with you. I miss our inside jokes. I miss rewatching Friends with you. Do you remember “moo point”? I miss going to sleep next to you and waking up next to you and waking up at 3 or 4 in the morning and having long talks and going to the gas station for hot dogs or racing to Chefette to get there before 3 so that we can buy something from there instead. I miss learning from you. I miss teaching you. I miss cooking with you. I miss unpacking groceries with you. I miss going on drives with you. We will always have Cherry Tree Hill. I miss your sarcasm. I miss venting to you about George and Regine. But most of all I miss making future plans with you.
OUR Story
his story will always be told but I’m here to put mine out there for whomever will listen.
you know me. I’m the ex-girlfriend who ended up turning “crazy”. that’s the description you will always know of me and maybe even one day, I’ll pass you guys by in the first four great months and he’ll point me out: “that’s the girl I told you about”. how do i know? because I was there once too. next to him, running errands, just being a part of his life because that’s what brought me joy. Monday through Sunday…everyday. was I clingy? no. he told me he wanted me there just as much as I wanted to be there. and it blossomed into something beautiful. into something i did want. despite my efforts to keep my walls up to any male who said they might love me but just hurt me, I let them down & I loved harder than I ever did before. I entwined his days with mine and i made sure he was always as comfortable as I was with him. fuck it, now I’m helping with laundry on a weekend, folding sheets & putting up socks and underwears while he rests cause he’s had a long week. he’s coming home to me & a clean apartment because all i want him to do is come home, eat, bathe & make love to me. but better yet, my sex drive higher than his and many nights I couldn’t be satisfied because he was tired AND I UNDERSTOOD. he told me he wanted me to meet everyone. he told me he wanted to marry me. I mean, wouldn’t you? but I’m not unfair, I’ll talk about how I could be very detached, it’s possible i wasn’t showing enough emotions. no tears, no excessively emotional & annoying talks but that’s what i thought you wanted. and don’t get me started on the arguments. every month. and I had a tendency to blame you. and for that I AM SORRY. but none of that could ever overcome the good days, in my opinion. and to me it was balanced because if not for those arguments, it would have been a fairy tale.
so what we had was real. now I’m at his apartment, the same one once filled with love & laughter but I’m crying. my hands are filled with my stuff you said it was okay to leave there, making me feel at home. and your key that was once on my key chain is sitting by itself on the table. he doesn’t want me anymore. like a garbage bag tossed on the side of the road for whatever reason i was no longer enough, I no longer meant the world to him, I was nothing. you’d think that after playing house with this motherfucker i am in love with that I’d get a PROPER explanation other than some pieced together bullshit about the last fight we had that was less than anything I’ve ever put up with from you?! how stupid do you really think i am? you are a liar. and I hate liars. thought it was always #nojudgement. but somehow you couldn’t just tell me you weren’t feeling me anymore. what else did you lie about Kemar? goddamnit. I’m getting angry now. but i don’t want to. I just want you to know you hurt me. and you knew that when you leave i wouldn’t have anyone to talk to. or was that your plan. cause you never had anyone, according to you. so you had to make me feel your pain? well mission accomplished. I cried. I have emotions. and they were spilled all over my bedroom floor. now, you’re out & about. I’m sure your life is well put together. it bound to be since you’re taking all of my advice and fucking hard work and dedication to make you a better person and she’s reaping the benefits. bet it’s a girl that didn’t want you before she saw you with me. but I’m telling you now, you’ll never find someone like me. you let a good one go. guess I can just chalk it up to one of your “bad decisions”, yeah? smh